Typical oddness and blehs
Feb. 12th, 2004 01:19 pmI sometimes hate being off work. Too many things can ramble around in my head rather dangerously when I don't have something specific to focus on. My entire soul is tired today. Just not enough restful sleep. Going to try to take a nap before getting ready to go out tonight with
faekitty and
sir_alf
I have spent a lot of the morning going thru my head all the memories that I have of going to the Chamber. It saddens me that it is closing, but not an unexpected surprise. I found a lot of myself inside it's loud and dark walls.
Ever feel like you know in your heart of hearts you have progressed but you still feel as if you are in midst of a regression? Two steps forward and three steps back. So many things I want out of life, so much I want to do. And there are days that I just don't feel that I have lined my life up in such a way that makes any of it possible. And I don't have the first clue on how to start. So, I sit still, numb, waiting. WTF am I waiting for? No one is going to do it for me. No one is going to hand me my ideal life on a silver platter. And I often wonder if any one even gives a flying fuck what _I_ want anyway. All of my life I have done things in preservation of the "you". Whoever the "you" may be. I have absolutely no skill at doing things in honor of myself. Wouldn't even know where to begin. Even the slightest thing I do in my own honor makes me feel like a selfish brat.
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I have spent a lot of the morning going thru my head all the memories that I have of going to the Chamber. It saddens me that it is closing, but not an unexpected surprise. I found a lot of myself inside it's loud and dark walls.
Ever feel like you know in your heart of hearts you have progressed but you still feel as if you are in midst of a regression? Two steps forward and three steps back. So many things I want out of life, so much I want to do. And there are days that I just don't feel that I have lined my life up in such a way that makes any of it possible. And I don't have the first clue on how to start. So, I sit still, numb, waiting. WTF am I waiting for? No one is going to do it for me. No one is going to hand me my ideal life on a silver platter. And I often wonder if any one even gives a flying fuck what _I_ want anyway. All of my life I have done things in preservation of the "you". Whoever the "you" may be. I have absolutely no skill at doing things in honor of myself. Wouldn't even know where to begin. Even the slightest thing I do in my own honor makes me feel like a selfish brat.